1. Your birth was presided over by a doula and soundtracked by chanting.
You’ve heard your birth story a lot.
2. Your name is Autumn, Dawn, Dharma, Flower, Harmony, Heather, Rainbow, River, Season, Shanti, Shakti, Sky, Star, Summer, Sunshine, or Willow.
Bonus points if you have an adjective+noun combination, like Divine Peace, Sunny Day or Astral Plane.
3. You wore cloth diapers.
This was not a pretty thing.
4. Your parents gave a lot of positive affirmations and hugs.
Which tended to freak out your friends.
5. As did your family’s environmentally conscious flushing policy.
6. And lax attitude towards nudity.
At some point, you realized you probably shouldn’t tell so many stories about that nudist summer camp your family goes to.
7. Your parents taught you to question everything.
8. They refused to let you participate in class celebrations of the holiday they called “Indigenous People’s Day”
9. You never had any idea what any of your classmates were talking about because you didn’t have television.
(Or if you had a television, you only had PBS.)
10. You had no choice but to wear hand-me-down and handmade clothing, often tie-dyed.
11. You weren’t allowed to alter your body’s natural hair and eau.
12. You obviously weren’t allowed to have processed foods or soda.
You shouldn’t get this reference nor understand why Kel so loves orange soda.
Except for homemade root beer. With real root.
13. When you got sweets, they were made out of carob.
14. You celebrated the Equinoxes and Solstices.
15. While The Goddess, Mother Earth, and Buddha were generally big deals…
(and popular decorating motifs)
16. God = Jerry Garcia
(Also a popular decorating motif.)
17. This was your favorite of your parents’ records.
Also The Point.
18. Your parents still danced like they did at Woodstock.
19. You know who Tim Leary is.
20. And Buckminster Fuller.
You may have even had a geodesic dome in your back yard. Or a yurt.
21. This was on your coffee table.
22. When your friends came over, they asked, “What’s that smell?” This was that smell.
23. Or this.
Okay, or this.
24. Your parents probably smoked more weed than you did while you were in high school.
And theirs was better.
25. They’ve gardened organically and raised chickens and composted for decades. They washed out plastic bags before “green” was a thing.
26. On the rare occasion that your family ate out, they brought along yogurt tubs to take home leftovers.
Definitely not embarrassing.
Now they use that reusable cling wrap that looks like a shower cap / female condom.
(Your mom definitely told you about female condoms.)
27. Sometimes you dreamed of rebelling…
by becoming as normal as possible.
28. But ultimately you’ve realized you are too much like them.
Unable to throw anything away, incensed by apathy, stoked about your co-op…